Last week Kate and I were in Chicago for the holidays. It was an enjoyable week of catching up with family and friends. I am sure that to a certain extent Chicago will always feel like home. But as I boarded the plane to return to Seattle I felt like I was saying goodbye. Goodbye to my childhood home, goodbye to the family that raised me, goodbye to the friends who I enjoyed, and sadly goodbye to sweet glorious deep dish pizza (the pizza in Seattle is tragically sad). Most likely, Kate and I will not return again for another year. That will mark the longest time that we will have been away. The tone of my goodbye is not triumphant nor despondent. It is somber, meaningful. This is a significant goodbye.
I feel as though I am entering a new period of my life. I am struggling to put into words what I mean, this all sounds quite melodramatic, but for the past four years I have felt quite confused and dissilusioned about life, faith, God, ect... And for the most part I still do, but I am finding that a journey of faith is always marked with confusion and doubt. Faith unaccompanied by doubt is more likely an illusion or an ideaology.
Kate and I bought a large picture the other day to hang in our office. We were not looking for a picture, but as I was walking through the store I saw it and it immediately struck me. I am the last person to buy something impulsively, but I felt like this picture would be meaningful to me. It is a picture of a road, lined with trees. As you look at the picture the road grabs your eyes and leads you far off into the distance.
In my life I haven't felt like I have been on a path for some time now. It has more often felt like my experience of Mt. Mulunje in Malawi, Africa where I found myself lost and stranded hacking through brush and climbing up cliffs. But more and more I have begun to see a road rise up before me. I do not know where this road will take me, or how long it will last, but as an exhausted journeyman I am thankful for a path.
Not the actual picture hanging in our office
4 comments:
Thanks for sharing the about the hope in continuing the journey.
Sarah
you have my biggest blessing to continue this journey wherever it may take you.
mom
At least this time you can cuddle with kate when you are cold and tired and not Joe!
keep on keep'n on!
I was home last week too, and made the silly assumption that you guys would still be out west...sorry I missed you! Much love to you both.
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